On The Table Read Magazine, “the best arts and entertainment magazine UK“, In Diary Of A Nigerian Student, Iheadiri Chisom, crafts a poignant and lyrical exploration of longing, identity, and the pressures of ambition, capturing the vibrant chaos of Nigerian life and the emotional weight of a student striving to become an achiever while yearning for the comfort of home.
A Becomer’s Home
I want to go home.
To my little brothers, whose voices light up my soul.
To their shattering laughter as they tell me tales of their classmates,
filling my ears with juicy gist, schoolyard politics, classroom drama, innocent mischief.
I want to eat real food, the kind my mom makes.
Sumptuous. Spicy. Laden with delicacies, assorted meats, beef, chicken, fish.
Not the sad concotions I’ve grown used to:
Mai Shayi, oily rice, and whatever else passes for survival.
I want to sit in the front seat of my dad’s car
as he drives through Lagos, the city I used to complain about.
The hawking noise, the choking smoke, the reckless danfo drivers.
Even the chaos, the conductor-passenger drama. I’ve missed it all.
Benin isn’t as loud, as fast, or as dramatic.
But Lagos? Lagos is madness.
And somehow, I long for it.
I want to sit at the corridor of my father’s house and inhale the smell of home.
To pull off my slippers and feel the bare ground beneath my feet, even that is comforting.
I want to stand at the gate of our bungalow,
the one I once thought was small.
I want to pose for pictures there, like I always did.
Mommy used to say, “There’s no place like home.”
I’ve come to realise she was right.
I want to go home.
But there’s a voice that keeps whispering, “You can’t.”
And I wonder, am I running from home or from myself?
Right now, I don’t think I’ll be going home anytime soon.
And that hurts.
I’m a semester away from my final year.
A penultimate student who still hasn’t figured life out.
And that reality sits heavily on my chest.
There’s a voice in my head that keeps saying,
“You must achieve something before you go home.”
Sometimes I wonder, am I putting too much pressure on myself?
I dodge every holiday trip back.
I say the breaks are too short. But maybe, deep down, I’m scared.
Scared of getting too comfortable.
Scared of mommy’s questions, “What next?”
Scared, because shouldn’t I have answers by now?
I’ve watched brilliant graduates stall.
Senior colleagues I once admired, some who tutored me back in 100 level.
They had big dreams, big plans. But they got delayed.
Postponed.
They got too cosy in their comfort zone, until life swallowed them whole.
Now I see them on TikTok.
(Not to downgrade the users.)
But I can’t help noticing the shift.
They’re chasing trends,
craving attention in fields they never planned for.
And slowly, the knowledge they once carried fades.
Not because they aren’t smart. Trust me, they are.
But because this country has failed us.
I already mapped out what my Christmas break would look like.
And going home isn’t part of the plan.
Not because home doesn’t inspire me, it does.
But because it reminds me of what I promised myself I’d be: an achiever.
And going back empty-handed would break me.
This time, I have a valid excuse:
Final year is approaching. I need to focus.
But what about last year?
What was my excuse then?
The truth is I’m all skin and bones now.
I need mommy’s food. I miss my daddy’s smile.
I miss their laughter. Their chaos. Their warmth.
Maybe, just maybe, I am putting too much pressure on myself.
But I’m too success-driven to stop now.
And although my head is clouded, one thing remains clear:
God is home.
A home that follows me everywhere.
I may still be a becomer,
But this becomer walks with God.
With chaos and honestly,
Iheadiri Chisom.
About Iheadiri Chisom
Chisom Iheadiri is a Nigerian writer and student of International Studies and Diplomacy at the University of Benin, emerging as a compelling voice in African storytelling. Her work delves into themes of memory, identity, and the human condition, drawing inspiration from personal experiences and the vibrant complexities of Nigerian student life. With a style marked by honesty and lyrical prose, she crafts narratives that resonate with resilience, vulnerability, and hope. Beyond writing, Chisom is passionate about learning new languages, volunteering, and carving a path as a dynamic public speaker and creative entrepreneur.
We strive to keep The Table Read free for both our readers and our contributors. If you have enjoyed our work, please consider donating to help keep The Table Read going!
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This heartfelt piece resonates deeply, capturing the bittersweet longing for home and the weight of self-doubt. Chisoms honesty about fear and ambition is both relatable and moving.
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